


The Woes of Deputy D

by addtastic



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Deputy Derek, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 03:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2052543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addtastic/pseuds/addtastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to the Bi-weekly Stilinski/Hale Family Dinner Sass Off, pull up a chair, pop the popcorn, you're in for a show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Woes of Deputy D

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Derek and his poor life. Dealing with the Sheriff's underage, cock tease of a son while trying to have family dinner, le sigh.

Derek is so fucked. 

Like, really, really fucked. The kind of fucked that lands him in an orange jumpsuit for five to ten or gets him bullet lodged somewhere in his person. 

“You alright there?” Sheriff asks, his fork halfway to his lips. Okay, so maybe Derek was a little off, but this kid, Sheriff’s kid, is sucking in his spoon like it’s a fucking lollipop. It’s distracting, it’s mesmerizing, it’s oh so illegal and- “Yeah, sorry. Just a long day.” 

Being a deputy, Derek should know better, however there seems to be a disconnect between the rational part of his brain and the part that is slowly losing the battle of blood flow with his dick. The worst part is Stiles knows what he is doing to Derek. The mischievous glimmer in his eyes all but scream, “I’m going to give you a boner at the dinner table.” Derek looks away, angling his body in the Sheriff's direction and attempting to ignore Stiles completely. It does nothing to drown out the sucking noises coming from across the table. He clears his throat and Sheriff just nods, sending a look Stiles’ way before covering his face with his hand, “Would it kill you to eat like a human?” He sounds more exasperated than angry and Stiles just laughs, “We have company.” 

“Please,” Stiles huffs after sucking off the spoon with a pop, “Derek isn’t company. Derek is just Deputy D, our not so friendly sourpatch cop.” Derek knows there is a taser on his belt, he can feel it’s weight pressing into his thigh and he smiles at the visual of just blasting the little shit with a couple thousand volts. The smile he gives Stiles holds a promise of pain, later of course when the Sheriff is not around. But the way Stiles just stares at him, challenging him with the quick lift of his eyebrows has that rational part on RED ALERT: WARNING UNDERAGE. And the Sheriff is huffing out a breath as if he is settling in for the show that is going to go down over the table in a mere matter of seconds. 

They had the Bi-weekly Stilinski/Hale Family Dinner Sass Off down to a science now, ever since Derek came over to go over case files with the Sheriff and this unlikely comrade was formed. Stiles often joked that Deputy D was the underwear model that his dad never had and Derek knocked Stiles upside the head for calling him Deputy D whenever Sheriff looked the other way. 

“I take great pleasure in the fact that one day I’ll get to haul your smart ass into the station.” Derek rolls his eyes, it’s not his best, he knows, he’s just a little off his game from the raging hard on for the underage boy he is currently sporting and the shame that accompanies it. 

Stiles smirks because he knows he’s got him on the rocks, he’s about to unleash a firestorm on Derek, even takes a deep breath because lord knows it’s going to be long and descriptive and full of flailing limbs. He licks his lips and opens his mouth but is drowned out by the grainy voice coming through the scanner at the other end of the dining room. It’s a domestic dispute at the other side of town. No rest for the wicked means no rest for a sheriff and his deputy. They aren’t even on call necessarily, yet both Derek and the Sheriff are standing from the table and headed toward the front of the house. 

While Sheriff goes to get his badge from his office, Stiles shoulders up next to Derek. Derek hold up a hand to silence Stiles. Nope, he had his chance at the rebuttal, that ship has sailed. But Stiles just leans in, his voice nothing more that a whisper, breath hot against the side of Derek’s face, “You know, if you wanted to use your cuffs on me all you need to do is ask.” Derek almost chokes, a rush of heat spreading up his neck. He can’t look at Stiles, he can’t see that smug look on his face knowing that he was besting Derek Hale yet again. 

“Shut up.” Is the best he’s got. Nothing more nothing less and Stiles straight up laughs in his face. 

“See you Friday, Deputy D.” he manages to get out during his hysterics before bounding up the stairs and leaving a very confused, very aroused, very guilty Derek in the foyer wondering exactly what he had done in a past life to deserve this torture.

**Author's Note:**

> Hoped you enjoyed!  
> Come follow me on [tumblr](http://haleanchor.tumblr.com/) and talk Teen Wolf with me!!


End file.
